Whether it’s a week, a month or the entire summer, a trip to live with a non-custodial parent can be life-changing for your child or stepchild – and critical to helping your child maintain a good relationship with his/her biological parent. Here’s a few tips to help make summer planning go smoothly:

Tip # 1 - Iron out the details. Your custody agreement usually provides a jumping off point detailing summer visitation length. Frequently a phone call or e-mails to the bio-parent will be needed to discuss travel plans and confirm dates.

Don’t start the summer off on a bad note. Make these exchanges hospitable. Even if you don’t get along well with your ex-spouse, resolve to treat him or her with civility. If you have a hostile ex-spouse who lobs bitter invective at you, refuse to take the bait and escalate.

Make your call early and ink dates on the calendar. If changes must be made to the visitation schedule, most divorce and custody agreements require at least 30 days notice. If the other household must make travel arrangements for the child, discuss drop-off times, layovers and allow time for advance ticket purchasing.

Discuss confirming the child’s safe arrival and how often you plan to talk to the child. If the child is visiting for several weeks, you may want to agree to a regular weekly time when you will talk to the child. Don’t forget to cover health needs, eating habits and bedtime rituals. Make sure the other parent has contact information for your family doctor and for you, especially if you are taking a vacation while your child is visiting the other house.

Tip #2 – Don’t use “stuff” to hurt your child. Pack familiar clothing and toys for the trip. A frequent problem I hear from families having a stepchild stay for the summer is that the “other” household refuses to send any clothing or toys for the child. This childish behavior by adults forces the non-custodial household to spend money to outfit the child.

Moms and Dads – what are you thinking? This petty behavior leaves your child without a cozy teddy bear to snuggle and nothing familiar. Most parents won’t send their child to a sleepover across the street without a duffel bag in tow – a summer trip to visit a parent and his/her family should be no different.

If you are concerned that items won’t be returned with your child at the end of the visit, pack light, but pack something. Find out if your child will need any special items for the trip, such as a swimsuit, hiking boots or sports equipment. An older child or teen should be able to keep track of his/her things and repack them with minimal assistance. If your child is younger, include a packing list in your child’s luggage, so items can be marked off when they are repacked.

Tip #3 – Prepare your child emotionally and physically. Talk to your child about the trip, how he or she will travel and what belongings will go. Encourage your child to spend quality time with the other parent and to have fun. Talk about the activities they will do at the other house and what it will be like.

Remind your child to be polite to everyone in the “other” household. Be clear with your child about what items should be packed to return. Tell your child how often you will call or write to him/her. Explain your summertime schedule during the child's absence from your home.

Children who are temporarily leaving the parent they live with year-round, may feel guilty about “leaving you alone.” Or they may miss all the fun their stepbrothers and stepsisters will have. Don’t guilt your child about seeing his/her other parent or excessively regale him or her with tales of fabulous family fun on the phone. 

A summer stay can help your child develop and strengthen a relationship with the non-custodial parent. It does not have to write a new chapter in the divorce war.

Dawn Miller writes a column on life in blended families at thestepfamilylife.com. 
Visit Dawn's blog for a daily dose of life in the blender.
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