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The Stepfamily Life Newsletter - October 2003

 

The Stepfamily Life Newsletter – October 2003

www.thestepfamilylife.com

The Stepfamily Life – A Weekly Column Written by a Real-Life Stepmom

 

Contents

From the Editor
Stepfamily News

Books You Can Use

Website Watcher
Family Builder

 

About the Newsletter

From the Editor

Welcome to our second newsletter. My weekly columns are posting every Monday online – so please check The Stepfamily Life website – there’s some great stuff coming up! The Stepfamily Life has opened its own bookstore featuring books, DVDs and videos just for stepfamilies. In this edition of my newsletter, read in the news about a stepfamily searching for a missing child, a woman who lost her stepson in Iraq, a famous stepmom, and how stepmoms and ex-wives are burying the hatchet and building positive relationships. For our book review this month I read “The Stepmom’s Guide to Simplifying Your Life” by Karon Phillips Goodman – if you are stressed out then you need to check out this book! Our website watcher features a new site for stepmoms and family builder focuses on the value of volunteering as a family and highlights USA Weekend’s Make a Difference Day. Keep stepping up!

Best Regards,
Dawn Miller

dmiller@thestepfamilylife.com  

 

 

Stepfamily News

 

Stepfamily Searches for Missing Ten-Year-Old Boy
October 15 - In New Hampsire, police are searching for Patric McCarthy, of Bourne, Massachusetts. While on vacation Monday, the ten-year-old left his brothers playing and headed back to the condominium where they were staying – but he never arrived. The search for him has been hampered by severe weather in the mountainous region. Stepmom Margaret McCarthy thanked volunteers and said that she believes the boy will be found. Coverage is online at:

http://www.thebostonchannel.com/news/2555021/detail.html
http://www.thewmurchannel.com/news/2555601/detail.html

 

Good Morning America Profiles Stepmom and Ex-Wife Making Peace
Good Morning America profiled ex-wife Debi Levenson and her struggle to get along with “the other woman,” Monika Levenson, who is married to her ex-husband and stepmom to her two daughters. After years of animosity, the two have agreed to some ground rules: put the kids first, no bad-mouthing, respect rules and routines and empathize, don’t judge. Even so, there are still points of conflict – like Mother’s Day. The Levensons credit the book Stepwives for their success – the book encourages stepmoms and ex-wives to stop fighting and build positive relationships. You can buy  Stepwives and check out other books for stepmoms here.

 

Stepwives Speak Candidly About Co-Parenting
In this insightful essay in the Exeter News-Leader, step-wives Ronda Underriner and Rachel Forrest describe in a dialogue format what it takes to get stepmoms (Ronda) and ex-wives (Rachel) to work together. Ronda is married to Kevin Underriner, who had a daughter with Forrest. The two share joint custody, and the addition of Ronda to the mix brought changes. Initially Ronda’s husband served as a mediator between the two women, but as Ronda and Rachel developed a more solid relationship, they have been able to work out problems on their own. They emphasize that they are “not lucky” and that lots of hard work goes into building a co-parenting arrangement that works.

 

Portland Tribune Article Highlights Stepfamily Struggles
Oregon - Writer and stepmom Lisa Cohn relates the problems faced by stepfamilies in dealing with ex-spouses who allow anger and resentment to poison their child’s health and well-being. We all know the stories – ex-spouses who refuse to share report cards, recital schedules and act rudely on the phone to well-meaning stepparents and their spouses. Cohn highlights families from her support group who have found a way out of the anger cycle and forged new relationships that benefit the children caught in the middle. She has a new book “One Family, Two Family, New Family: Stories and Advice for Stepfamilies” coming out at the end of the month.

 

The Stepfamily Life Columns Go Online Weekly
Columns began posting online weekly in mid-October. Current columns online include:

Stepmom Vs. The Ex: Declare a Ceasefire

School Doesn’t Have to Spell Stress for Stepfamilies

U.S. Census Misses Stepfamilies By a Longshot
Celebrate the Journey: National Stepfamily Day

 

Upcoming column topics: surviving the holidays, helping kids feel normal, and the strengths of effective stepfamilies. If you’d like to suggest a column topic, send an email to dmiller@thestepfamilylife.com

 

Famous Stepmoms: Teresa Earnhardt
Widow of famed race car driver Dale Earnhardt, Teresa Earnhardt is stepmom to Dale Earnhardt, Jr. She also heads up Deal Earnhardt Inc. and the Dale Earnhardt Foundation. She recently signed a deal with her stepson which will have him driving for the next five years on the team founded by his late father. Speculation has swirled in the racing community for months around contract negotiations between the two (Teresa heads up the racing empire founded by Dale Jr.’s late father). Teresa has fought a public battle to prevent her husband’s autopsy photos from being released to the press.

 

Stepmom Talks About Loss of Her Son in Iraq
Texas - The Long-View News Journal and the Associated Press reported the death of U.S. Army Pfc. Stephen Eugene Wyatt, 19, in Balad, Iraq while traveling in a three-car convoy that fell under attack. Stepmom Lilmah Wyatt told reporters that her stepson was a “hero.” She said that his young wife Kelly, who is also in the military, is flying from her posting in Hawaii to join the family for the funeral in Texas. She told reporters that she wanted people to know that Wyatt was a “down-home kid” who enjoyed spending his free time hunting and fishing.

 

 

Books You Can Use: The Stepmom’s Guide to Simplifying Your Life

By Dawn Miller
Karon Phillips Goodman’s sanity-saving “The Stepmom’s Guide to Simplifying Your Life,” reminds us that stepmotherhood is not a sprint – it’s a marathon. Stressed out from trying to engineer the “perfect family” immediately, Goodman realized that if she didn’t get her own expectations under control and simplify her life that she was going to sabotage both her marriage and family. She urges her readers to focus on what they can control and to toss the mythical expectations they brought into their marriages. Using her own life as an example, she advises stepmoms to set realistic goals and expectations, to simplify the obligations they accept and to remain doggedly goal-focused. Interspersed throughout the book, the “tales from the blender” stories highlight real stepmom insights and experiences. Goodman plunks these little vignettes strategically throughout the text for readers to ponder. This is a book written from the heart that speaks to the heart. As a stepmom balancing a chaotic life, I found Goodman’s single-minded clarity focusing on what only I, the stepmom can do, to be very helpful. I also took to heart her injunction to simplify or perish and to be goal-focused. So get on your track shoes everyone! You can buy this book and see several other books for stepmoms online at: http://www.thestepfamilylife.com/BookstoreStepmom.htm

 

Website Watcher – Stepmom Group

Our new site this month is stepmom group, www.stepmomgroup.com. The site features articles, website links, reviews, online chat areas (including a section just for ranting when you have a bad and another for raving on good days) and more. Membership is free. Sample article topics: the importance of a supportive partner, what dads really want, and how to grow your own parent support group. A poll on the site asks stepmoms for their opinions about the upcoming holidays and you can see the results live. On Thursday, November 18th, the site will feature author Karon Phillips Goodman live – so check their site for more details if you’d like to ask Karon questions about her book, “The Stepmom’s Guide to Simplifying Your Life” (reviewed above).

 

 

Family Builders – USA Weekend Make a Difference Day

The stepfamily that sweats together stays together. Helping local charities and nonprofits can be a great way for stepfamilies to build camaraderie and strengthen family bonds. On October 25th, USA Weekend sponsors Make a Difference Day, which is billed as the national day of doing good. Activities are as simple as a neighborhood clean-up and as complicated as building a house with Habitat for Humanity. A searchable database online allows you to find projects nearby, or you can register your own. If your kids act like couch-slugs (I’ve been there, I feel your pain), let them help decide the issue to support with your family’s labor. If they like sea animals or the environment then a beach clean-up might get them more excited than a walk-a-thon. If that doesn’t get them leaping for joy, then offer to take everyone out for pizza after as a reward. It may be tough to rationalize giving up limited “family time” to help others – but giving back to the community can strengthen your family as you work side-by-side together on a project. And it’s good for your kids – research studies show that youth who participate in community service projects where they make a meaningful impact benefit and feel a sense of self-worth and belonging.

 

About the Newsletter

The Stepfamily Life Newsletter is produced by Steppingstone, LLC. Articles may be reproduced, in whole or in part, so long as credit is provided to The Stepfamily Life and a link to www.thestepfamilylife.com runs with the reproduction.

 

To submit article, website or book review ideas, send an email message to newsletter@thestepfamilylife.com.

 

Subscriptions are available for free by visiting www.thestepfamilylife.com and signing up to receive the newsletter.

 



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